Personnel Gifts

"Do you mind punching out first."

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

"If I'm being honest, I really feel I've been unfairly labelled!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

"Morning, all!"

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."