Personnel Department Employee Gifts

"Well... If it's any consolation, your resume did get a chuckle or two!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Morning, all!"

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Check zombies.

Why do you need so many computers?

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

Targets.

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

Whack, Out of Whack.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'