Personnel Manager Gifts

Interviewee: 'Nah, work related stress isn't a problem - I've never taken a job seriously enough for it to bother me!'

At a guess I'd say that the feedback was probably pretty good!

"I'll be in touch if we need somebody with integrity"

"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"

"This is Igor...he's responsible for enforcing the new personnel mangement protocols."

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

"Of course I've got excellent people skills . . . do you have any other stupid questions?"

"Human Resources."

"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."

WWGlobal Personnel: 'Do you work well under pressure!'

'It's part of our new staff retention policy!'

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

"We offer medical, life and home insurance. Car insurance, paid vacations and stock options. Daycare. One drawback: no salary."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

"...ten years at college must count for something."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

'I'm firing you, I'm also firing the person that hired you.'

"I loved my last job. There just wasn't much opportunity for growth."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'....let me introduce Beelzebub from HR, he'll sort out your contract.'

"This is fantastic exaggeration, I think we can use you in our Advertising Dept."

"Nothing personal, We need more parking space."

Some line managers like to use graphs in performance management meetings.

'Oh, I don't know....maybe my inability to endure meaningless interview questions. Next...'

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

"Is it a good sign when they band your leg?"

'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

"According to current research, retention is helped by providing training and appropriate support, there's no mention of chaining people to their desks!"

"Do you think this would work for the Wilkin's account."

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

'I'm here to apply for a green job.'

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

Recruitment seems to be changing.

'So to hit the training targets I have to arrange five days a year training for the staff that we haven't been able to recruit.'