Personnel Manager Pillows

Interviewee: 'Nah, work related stress isn't a problem - I've never taken a job seriously enough for it to bother me!'

At a guess I'd say that the feedback was probably pretty good!

"I'll be in touch if we need somebody with integrity"

"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"

"This is Igor...he's responsible for enforcing the new personnel mangement protocols."

"Of course I've got excellent people skills . . . do you have any other stupid questions?"

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

"Human Resources."

WWGlobal Personnel: 'Do you work well under pressure!'

"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."

'It's part of our new staff retention policy!'

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

"We offer medical, life and home insurance. Car insurance, paid vacations and stock options. Daycare. One drawback: no salary."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

"...ten years at college must count for something."

"I loved my last job. There just wasn't much opportunity for growth."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

'....let me introduce Beelzebub from HR, he'll sort out your contract.'

'I'm firing you, I'm also firing the person that hired you.'

"This is fantastic exaggeration, I think we can use you in our Advertising Dept."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

"Is it a good sign when they band your leg?"

Some line managers like to use graphs in performance management meetings.

"Do you think this would work for the Wilkin's account."

'I'm here to apply for a green job.'

Recruitment seems to be changing.

"According to current research, retention is helped by providing training and appropriate support, there's no mention of chaining people to their desks!"

"Nothing personal, We need more parking space."

'Oh, I don't know....maybe my inability to endure meaningless interview questions. Next...'

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

"There are no medical or pension benefits, but the employees' lounge has excellent free coffee."