Personnel Director Gifts

"So we're agreed then - there's no need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment policies."

I don't know there's something about the guy in the middle, he just doesn't look right

'Nextinterview applicant, Mr. Edward Finson, Jr.'

Personnel Dept. Frankly, we'd like a job so we can get into a Super Bowl pool.

Circus. Clown Dept. You realize, of course, you'll have to share the company car.

Robotics, Inc. Personnel Dept. Sorry, but we're looking for a self-starter.

Personnel. We're overstaffed right now. With the amount of work I do, I'd hardly be noticed.

You can never escape from stress because... that brainy kid who won your sixth grade spelling bee is still out there...

'It finally happened... I've run out of euphemisms for firing employees.'

"On the other hand...perhaps we were a bit hasty in letting you go!"

'No pension, no problem.'

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'

General personnel, sacrificial lambs and scapegoats.

'The 873 people I laid off prove I'm a people person.'

'John, I like your style, and I'll be honest, I see a lot of you in me.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Marimba

"Morning, all!"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Under new blame.

'I'd like to explain my ideas for economy within the company.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Why do you need so many computers?