People Manager Gifts

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"This position has become very important to the company."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."