People Manager Gifts

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"