Performance Manager Gifts

"I hope this makes it clearer?"

Performance management: "Have you seen this?"

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

"My personal improvement plan? Stop being to ticklish."

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"My email is down... talk to me."

Businesswoman Empowerment

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.