Product Manager Gifts

'...Any ideas for a product?'

'It's so new we don't know what it does, but nobody else has it so we're selling the hell out of it.'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Innovate or die.

"We can't say 'new and improved' until we come up with a product."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

'In retrospect, maybe we should have spent a little more on R&D.'

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

'The way I see it, we only have two choices, we either improve the quality of our product or we hire some really great sales people.'

"Look the competition has a big, stupid product. We need a big, stupid product of our own, and we need it now!"

Profits "...I suppose we could try and improve the product."

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

'Would it be more economical for them to develop their own comparable product, or steal the competition's formulae and fight it out in the courts?'

"Let's make stuff and sell it to people."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"I know nobody needs one, that's where the advertising people come in"

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

"This is the only product claim that legal would allow."

'Throw in a few bells and whistles and this baby will sell.'

You selected one hell of a focus group!

'We've re-branded.'

'We're considering eliminating the 'Too Hot' and 'Too Cold' product lines...'

"It seems like a good idea, but is it scalable?"

'Risky, but I like it!'

'Our business model is very simple. When sales dip, we add another blade.'

'Can our software do that?'

'We don't call it planned obsolescence anymore, we call it an upgrade.'

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Merger of the Year

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

"Your new phone comes with this fire extinguisher. And we already added the number to the fire dept. to your contacts."

"And it was at this point that we stopped trying to innovate and started copying our competitors instead."

"How about we forget 'new and improved' and settle for 'new'?"

Caveman with first-mover advantage for selling wheels.