Tech Product Manager Gifts

"Sure it's thin, but not very absorbent."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Rocket Launch Control Centre Back in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'Can our software do that?'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Barcode Dreams

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'We've re-branded.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Innovation & Calculation

'Yes, it is large for a smart phone, but then it does do absolutely everything.'

Lemonade Stand With Free Wi-Fi

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

'Risky, but I like it!'

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'