Personnel Department Employee Prints

"Well... If it's any consolation, your resume did get a chuckle or two!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Morning, all!"

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Why do you need so many computers?

Check zombies.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

Targets.

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Whack, Out of Whack.

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Did you read this report? The average member of staff takes 19 minutes for lunch!"