Reflective Retiree Pillows

'I'm writing my diaries.' 'Neither am I.'

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

Pop Culture for Teens

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

The Final Selfie

"Death coach..."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Best Scapegoat

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"It really was a no-brainer, selling drilling rights at the North Pole."