Retiree At Heart T-Shirts

"Come on, be a sport! The cliffs are lined with kids and bus-loads of retirees: let's give them a breaching display to remember!"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Best Scapegoat

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

"It really was a no-brainer, selling drilling rights at the North Pole."

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

Someone loses his pension.

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."