Dreamy Retiree Gifts

"When I first planned my retirement it was an ocean going 7 berth yacht with jacuzzi and helipad..."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

Waiting for retirement.

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

Best Places to Retire

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

Greetings from VARICOSE VILLAGE, a Florida golfing community featuring a shopping mall, restaurants and hospitals.

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

Saving for Retirement.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

If I could sell my experience for half of what it cost me I could retire.

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

"Come on, be a sport! The cliffs are lined with kids and bus-loads of retirees: let's give them a breaching display to remember!"

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues