Reading The Newspaper Gifts

'May I see the share prices?'

'That was fun!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

"I've seen a tulip before."

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

Paper Boy

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Are those my slippers?!"