Political Newspaper Reader Gifts

Democratic Payback

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

"I've seen a tulip before."

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Are those my slippers?!"

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

An Arm and a Leg.

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

'Line up for your economic recovery treatment!'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'Obama's letting all the progress we made in Iraq go right down the drain...He's trying to distract everybody...'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'That's nothing new. Thatcher had a similar plan, but she called hers; 'Every man for himself'.'