Poll Reader Gifts

Climate Change is Real

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Poll Dancing

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

"The latest numbers are in. More voters want you to drop out than to run."

'Remember, Fenton, polling results are in the eye of the manipulator.'

Trump vs. Biden

"Of course, this prediction has a plus or minus margin of error of 80% or 90%."

Babbling Idiot

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

'You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote.'

"The network's infotainment division thinks you should open with a song."

'ANCHOR doesn't mean you drag the whole network!'

"Have you got the abridged version?"

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

'I KNOW the country is deeply divided!'

'I got a video broadcasting degree with a minor in news reading and a major in perky.'