Opinion Poll Follower Gifts

'Which opinion molder gets my top approval rating? I guess it's Jimmy Fallon - the new king of late night comedy.'

Babbling Idiot

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Palin 2012

'Mmm...Smells like waffles!'

Hide me. Under the table. What's the matter? He's coming. Who. Who??? The wolf! The hairy man. The insatiable and relentless one. Didn't we just finish an election cycle? There he is! Oh no! The 2020 elections are around the corner. Wolf Blitzer! Run! I'll tune in tomorrow. Don't eat me! CNN.

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

"Well, you have to admire his honesty."

"Well, I don't think we should count on much help from the Russians this election."

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

How is the campaign taking shape? Poseidon is washed up but all the other candidates have a chance. Voters like Cyclops' unique vision ... Mercury delivers his message well ... Ares has support from the defense hawks ... and some say Narcissus is an attractive candidate. Narcissus like the support reflected in polls and loves what he sees reflected in pools!

"We were thinking, since your head speechwriter understands the issues better than you do, speaks better than you do, is smarter and better-looking than you.."

"I Win!!!"

Election Time

Meanwhile, back at the GOP presidential candidate interviews. . .

'We're saved! -- it's Superdelegate!'

"My net worth is $8.7 billion - so I can't be bought by any interest group!"

Invest In A Politician Of Your Choice with Our New SuperPac IPOs.

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

RFK Jr Anti-Vax

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

Bush's Huge Campaign Fund at Work.

"It's going to be a tough four years."

Wimp and Wimpier: The Democratic Field for 2020

'Folks, meet public enemy number 1!'

8 years of GOP economics.

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

"Edward, come quick! It's the first negative attack ad of the fall!"