Reading Tabloids Gifts

'It seems like a King should have more than FIFTEEN minutes of fame!'

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

I was to be Big-Foot's bride...but I was saved by Elvis!

'I'd read the paper, but I can't wait until tomorrow to find out which celeb is being called fat today.'

"Is there a good sex scandal on?"

"Look at these tabloid magazines! Gossip is a venomous misuse of the tongue!"

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"I've seen a tulip before."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

JET (Part I)

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

Weditorials

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Are those my slippers?!"

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Original Gossip Columns

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."