Tabloid Readers Gifts

'Whoa! - You'll never guess who just got assassinated!'

'Miss Grimshaw, call maintenance - all sorts of slimy creatures are coming out of the woodwork!'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

JET (Part I)

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Original Gossip Columns

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'Inflated gloom!'

Leisure Editor

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

Newscorp hacks into itself.

Sally Jessy Raphael

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

"Dang, Jennifer Lopez is, like, on her 93rd boyfriend! At this rate...she'll get to me in 13.3 years!"