Tabloid Readers Gifts

'Whoa! - You'll never guess who just got assassinated!'

'Miss Grimshaw, call maintenance - all sorts of slimy creatures are coming out of the woodwork!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

JET (Part I)

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Original Gossip Columns

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Inflated gloom!'

Leisure Editor

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

Sally Jessy Raphael

Newscorp hacks into itself.

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

"The school newspaper's much improved as a tabloid!"

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."