Reading Tabloid News Gifts

Cut to pieces.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

JET (Part I)

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

Weditorials

The Original Gossip Columns

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

Leisure Editor

'Inflated gloom!'

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Sally Jessy Raphael

Newscorp hacks into itself.

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.