Tabloid Tale Teller Gifts

'I don't think I can face coming into the office today . . . Jordan has split up with Alex Reid. . . It's like Tom and Nicole all over again... I've been in floods of tears since I woke up.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Horror Stories.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

JET (Part I)

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

The Original Gossip Columns

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Leisure Editor

'Inflated gloom!'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Little Red Riding Hood