Tale Teller Gifts

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

Early accounting scandals.

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Memoirs my arse!...It's all lies and you know it!'

'That's about it - I've already told you twice as much as she told me...'

Writer's Block.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'I liked it when you just read the stories, Dad, without the powerpoint presentation.'

Anecdote Magazine

The One that Got Away

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

"It's true that there IS an interest in 'real life' stories..."

Ancient Mariner and the Social worker - "No, don't tell me, don't tell me! - i've been there!'

Little Red Riding Hood

"Just reach under his belly and lift him into the boat."

"And they both lived happily ever after up until the moment their meds wore off."

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Rumor has it that he left his heart in San Francisco.

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

'Stories? I have a few.'

Horror Stories.

Men telling stories

Before the invention of writing, ancient wisdom was passed down the generations orally, through the art of storytelling.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Turns out the sky isn’t falling … it's just the global markets crumbling."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Freedom of the press