Tabloid Enthusiast Gifts

'Sleaze, please.'

Showbiz is tough

Invasion of Privacy

Shocking news

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

'Inflated gloom!'

Hiss and tell.

I was to be Big-Foot's bride...but I was saved by Elvis!

'Anne Boleyn Topless - read all about it!'

"This new poll says that public are sick of Big Brother. Let's do an eight page spread on it."

'Don't bother with the Lottery chickenfeed - get yourself a Bing baby.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

The Paparazzi visit Santa... 'Gimmee that camera you little punk.'

Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore break up.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko No Comebacko.

"It horrifies me that someone can give birth to a venom-spewing demon spawn and look so fabulous six weeks later."

"I'd love to spend more time perusing the alternative media, but then I'd miss out on all those important celebrity stories."

"Don't believe any of those weird stories - unless they're on facebook!"

"Oh no! The media got wind of our affair."

"Look at these tabloid magazines! Gossip is a venomous misuse of the tongue!"

Celebrity Island

In the not too distant future....

"Naughty children will be named and shamed on the front page of the Daily Mail."

"Wow! I had no idea anyone gave a t**s!"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"What do you mean, I'll be hearing from your solicitors?"

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Tabloid Finance

"As I said earlier, Michelle, I won't answer questions about economic or foreign policy. I'm here to talk about my sexual escapades."

"‘Nicole Richie arrested for DUI’ ... Bless that girl, she never lets me down."

STARMER EATS BABIES: "It's not, by any chance, an election year is it?"

JET (Part I)

The National Tabloid Tattler. Abducted by Aliens. Back at 2 o'clock.