Tabloid Fan Gifts

"Read all about it! Falling leaves kill six!"

Muzak and its variations.

'-just send us where the Page 3 girls go!'

JET (Part I)

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

Weditorials

Fiscal cliff

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

The Original Gossip Columns

'Inflated gloom!'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Leisure Editor

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Newscorp hacks into itself.

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Mole News: Obituaries

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

Suicide

"The school newspaper's much improved as a tabloid!"

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

'Sleaze, please.'

"Elvis battles Alien, Britney weds Satan. Man, who reads this garbage?"

Showbiz is tough

Invasion of Privacy