Tabloid Fan Prints

"Read all about it! Falling leaves kill six!"

Muzak and its variations.

Thing Okay!

'-just send us where the Page 3 girls go!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

JET (Part I)

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Weditorials

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

Fiscal cliff

The Original Gossip Columns

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'Inflated gloom!'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Leisure Editor

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

Newscorp hacks into itself.

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

Mole News: Obituaries

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

Charlie Sheen

According to this tabloid article, two guys who today are a basketabll referee and a politician, were friends as kids with a business selling seashells. The referee says that one sunny day while under an umbrella searching in the muck for shells they found a bunch of slimy, loose change. Or as the tabloid puts it "Whistleblower reveals pol's shady past with dirty money and a shell company!"

Suicide

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

"The school newspaper's much improved as a tabloid!"

'Sleaze, please.'