Tabloid Lover Prints

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

Newspaper

Celebrity Scandal

Another celebrity couple on its way to a high-stakes divorce.

'Being a fly on the wall is overrated when all they talk about is Brangelina.'

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

"Is there a good sex scandal on?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

JET (Part I)

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Are those my slippers?!"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

Weditorials

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

18 Days Since the Last Embarrassing Off-Field Incident.

The Original Gossip Columns

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

Leisure Editor

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"What's a copper nitrate...?"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Inflated gloom!'