Tabloid Enthusiast Pillows

'Sleaze, please.'

Showbiz is tough

Invasion of Privacy

Shocking news

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

'Inflated gloom!'

Hiss and tell.

'Anne Boleyn Topless - read all about it!'

"This new poll says that public are sick of Big Brother. Let's do an eight page spread on it."

'Don't bother with the Lottery chickenfeed - get yourself a Bing baby.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

The Paparazzi visit Santa... 'Gimmee that camera you little punk.'

"It horrifies me that someone can give birth to a venom-spewing demon spawn and look so fabulous six weeks later."

"I'd love to spend more time perusing the alternative media, but then I'd miss out on all those important celebrity stories."

"Oh no! The media got wind of our affair."

Celebrity Island

In the not too distant future....

"Wow! I had no idea anyone gave a t**s!"

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"What do you mean, I'll be hearing from your solicitors?"

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Tabloid Finance

"As I said earlier, Michelle, I won't answer questions about economic or foreign policy. I'm here to talk about my sexual escapades."

"‘Nicole Richie arrested for DUI’ ... Bless that girl, she never lets me down."

STARMER EATS BABIES: "It's not, by any chance, an election year is it?"

JET (Part I)

''Have you considered becominga kiss-and-tell slapper?'

'Aren't you glad you're a nobody and not a big-shot with the press picking on you all the time?'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Cat on phone to newspaper, voice says: 'For the last time ... we're not interested in stories about 'home alone' cats.'

'I love the tabloids. One surmise fits all.'

'I'm sorry, but a night of passion with your wife isn't going to sell papers...'

The Gutter Press.

'There's nothing for it, you'll have to keep your trousers on.'