Tabloid Reader Gifts

'We're not intrusive - we keep a respectable distance.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'It seems like a King should have more than FIFTEEN minutes of fame!'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

'Clown accused of being illegal gay Republican.'

Rebekah Brooks: Murdoch always said I would continue to go far!

Well if you can't beat them, join them!

'Do you swear to be faithless and hump everything with a pulse while she's not looking as long as you both need re-hab?'

'So you've won a few races: I still don't think you need worry about the paparazzi!'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

News headline: stars without make-up!

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

"I didn't 'kiss and tell' until they offered me a book deal."

Infidelities in the Monarchies

"I see the royals are at it again."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Stop worrying about Madonna. She's probably just retooling for her next surge."

The Wall Street Tattler

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

Schadenfreude Monthly

Sally Jessy Raphael

'Why, you scoundrel!'

'She hasn't sold a kiss-and-tell story to the tabloids.'

Hot News.

Having Fame and Fortune thrust upon him, Gordy is forced to advertise for an entourage.

'Moles? Nah - Sheila Hancock keeps popping up everywhere.'

'Good grief! Everybody is a celebrity - there are no people left.'

Emergency Celebrity

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

'Look, hon. You made the news again.'