Newspaper Reading Gifts

'Honestly how ridiculous! It says here that men who read out snippets from the newspaper are frustrated orators!'

"According to this survey, five out of six people think Russian Roulette is safe."

Reading Over your Shoulder

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

Human Cull: People who write in the crosswords in the library newspaper instead of taking a copy.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'That was fun!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"I've seen a tulip before."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Netanyahu versus Gantz

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

Paper Boy

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Are those my slippers?!"