Newspaper Reading Gifts

'Honestly how ridiculous! It says here that men who read out snippets from the newspaper are frustrated orators!'

"According to this survey, five out of six people think Russian Roulette is safe."

Reading Over your Shoulder

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

Yes, you were. You were talking in your sleep again last night.

Human Cull: People who write in the crosswords in the library newspaper instead of taking a copy.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'That was fun!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Reading the sports pages.

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

"I've seen a tulip before."

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

"Are those my slippers?!"

Paper Boy