News Reading Gifts

"I'd just like to know what in hell is happening, that's all! I'd like to know what in hell is happening! Do you know what in hell is happening?"

DAILY DESPAIR - Right we'll lead on 'environmental armageddon followed by the bird flu ' end of humanity story' and the main feature will be questioning the reasons for increases in depression.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

"Bummer Magazine"

Headlines Alarm People.

Good morning!

"I'll check the news."

Farmer reads newspaper headline 'Drought Hits Midwest'; sees sand dunes and camel caravan through window.

'It's outrageous - they don't want to be proper students like us at all - they come here to work!'

Hostage Taker on the Loose!

Will hell freeze over?

'They're not out of town. They just watch entirely too much television.'

"I hope that's fake news."

Ostrich reacts to looking at animal videos, reading the news and watching Fox news.

Media Forms

"Caution, it's April Fools Day. . . Some comedian may or may not have put a true story in between the fake news!"

Biden Wins

'Stocks rose today on Greenspan's remark it's highly unlikely terrorists will threaten the money supply.'

All the news that's fit to Twitter.

A memory stick's not much use , if you can't remember where it is.

'Reed oil aboot tit!'

'Same old rubbish every day! When are they going to give us something interesting to read with our cornflakes?'

Read all about it...

"Remember the good old days, Pete? Y'know, back when irate drivers had the common decency to just scream obscenities and make outrageous hand gestures? Call me old fashioned, but I miss that."

Bin Laden

Political Editor.

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"He just woke up from hibernation."

"You could say that he takes a close interest in the important news of the day..."

"Damn socialists better not touch my social security!"

TV censorship

"I need to stay on top of the latest news I don't believe is true."

"What a historic day."

16 Year Old Palestinian Ahed Tamimi Arrested for Terrorism

"Today the CIA investigated the FBI's investigation of the IRS' investigation of Trump."