Reading Headlines Gifts

"Nothing is certain except death."

'My opponent called me a 'terrible liar.''

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Newspaper suicide.

"I've seen a tulip before."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

News for Sale

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

The Expert

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

Government and Opposition

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Big Newspaper Delivery

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Scientist seen on loch.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

"Are those my slippers?!"

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

"Here's what went wrong today."