News Readers Gifts

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Government and Opposition

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The following story is based on actual events.

Under What Circumstances Would You Change Your Mind?

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'