Reading The Newspaper Pillows

'May I see the share prices?'

'That was fun!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"I've seen a tulip before."

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

Paper Boy

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Are those my slippers?!"

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."