Newspapers Gifts

Mole News: Obituaries

'According to this Obituary, I passed away suddenly and donations can be made out to you!'

National debt hits new high: 'Some day son, all this will be yours.'

"Ever since I died, I don't care as much about the crossword."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Illiteracy Increasing

"Everything takes grandpa a little longer to do. he's analog."

'How long has what been going on?'

Santa delivering newspapers

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

"No, you can't have the giant squid section unti I'm done with it."

'Not another tough crossword puzzle.'

"Are you through with your 'Times'?"

A dog reads a newspaper

'My newspaper doesn't crash, download a virus or have to be rebooted and it's the same version since 1851.'

Readers

'Why can't he just fetch the paper?'

Man - 'Why can't I teach you to get my paper?!' Dog - 'Because that paper doesn't carry this comic strip!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"He just sits there all day reading the obituaries and giggling."

'Grandad, are you famous enough to get into the obituary column?'

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

Penetrating Pet Disguises...

'Look he's depressed because he can't pick up the Sunday paper with all the supplements,'

Convict reading paper as if at home.

Jake never really notices the cryptoquote before...

Paper Boy

Generally newspapers are indicators of breakfast food or the possibility of feces...but I know there was some sort of rolled up clause in here.

Quite literary.

We accept 'Want' ads, Mr Pomeroy, not 'Impossible dream' ads

'Why can't I teach you to get my paper??' 'Becase that paper doesn't carry this comic strip!'

"I don't understand this. . . the crossword's been half-completed - again!!"

Newspaper with a 'Paris Hilton' section.

"That's how the middle class fight. They fight with columns."

Suicide