Newspapers Gifts

Mole News: Obituaries

'According to this Obituary, I passed away suddenly and donations can be made out to you!'

National debt hits new high: 'Some day son, all this will be yours.'

"Ever since I died, I don't care as much about the crossword."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Illiteracy Increasing

"Everything takes grandpa a little longer to do. he's analog."

'How long has what been going on?'

Santa delivering newspapers

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

A dog reads a newspaper

"Are you through with your 'Times'?"

'Not another tough crossword puzzle.'

"No, you can't have the giant squid section unti I'm done with it."

"Don't turn the page yet."

"That's how the middle class fight. They fight with columns."

"Oh, he enraged at spotting yet another reference to 'Pot and Kettle' in a reader's letter."

"Show us again that crazy way you fold a newspaper to read on the subway!"

"Sod U OK!?"

"We used to talk at mealtime, Frank, but lately I feel like you're not even there!"

Suicide

"This advice column is the worst trash I've ever read! And I should know! I've been reading it every day for the past 20 years!"

Jake never really notices the cryptoquote before...

"Have you read the 'head lines?"

Convict reading paper as if at home.

'Look he's depressed because he can't pick up the Sunday paper with all the supplements,'

Penetrating Pet Disguises...

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

'Grandad, are you famous enough to get into the obituary column?'

"He just sits there all day reading the obituaries and giggling."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Man - 'Why can't I teach you to get my paper?!' Dog - 'Because that paper doesn't carry this comic strip!'

'Why can't he just fetch the paper?'

Readers

'My newspaper doesn't crash, download a virus or have to be rebooted and it's the same version since 1851.'