Newspaper Navigator Gifts

'I'm in the den, mom, reading the newspaper for my social studies class.'

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

'Hey man! I never did trust those Latino stud muffins.'

Human Cull: People who write in the crosswords in the library newspaper instead of taking a copy.

'Stop me if you've heard this.'

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

It takes 2000 laws to enforce the 10 commandments.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Fear of news.

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Newspaper suicide.

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

Who's In Charge Here?

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

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"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'