Railway Mishap Humor Gifts

'Doctor, I need help.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

A Not So Grand Slam.

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

Artists Impression of the first call for roadside assistance...

'How was my emergency stop?'

"I can help you - I'm a para-legal."

Freak Accident Specialist

Cotton candy

"And hold the mayo."

'It doesn't work...'

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

"Well done!"

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

"Because of track work, uptown trains are going downtown, and downtown trains are going uptown."

"We apologise for the late arrival of the 1945 train...."

Ridiculed for arriving in Washington in private jets, the Big Three auto CEOs found a more humble way to travel.

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

Replacement Bus Service Spotter

Speed Limit

Dinosaur crossing sign.

'-and the look on his face when you overtook him in the Car Wash!'

In the event of emergency, break glass gently.

'But you kept saying the rhythm was gonna get you.'

Mobile library.

Rail PLC - 'We're investing in bottlenecks.'

Mastermind - "You've chosen rail ticket conditions 1998-99."

Metrognome

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

'Ah! ... sorry.'

"Ugh...I hate being the third rail."

"I guess that's the non stopper then."