Railway Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

Sushi Train Spotters

HS2 time bomb...

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

What Holds the Subway Together?

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Pound sign on rail tracks.

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

"We utterly condemn the striking railway workers for punishing the people of Great Britain. . . that's our job. . .!"

"There's a red light at the end of the tunnel."

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

"Someday this is gonna be a sick bike path."

'Let's build all possible variants and see which one turns out to be the cheapest to run!'

"It'll have to come down."

'If we beat Napoleon, do you think when they invent passenger trains they will name a station after this lot?'

"Miss, I know two crustaceans. King's Crustacean and Charing Crustacean."

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

'Intermodal' cargo train carrige hurtling through space

"I don't care if it's the Local or the Express. We're getting on board."

Fare Evader

"I understand, Mr. Osborne, take HS2 off and replace with 'Oriental Express'."

'I'm a little surprised you got planning permission.'

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

'The HS2 line is going to bring in a lot of work...'

'Hi I'm on the train...still'

"Attention, please, Mr. Lyle Ferguson. As a result of equipment failure at the Cos Cob power station, your train will not be running at all tonight."