Railway Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

Sushi Train Spotters

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

L.A. Transfer

HS2 time bomb...

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

What Holds the Subway Together?

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

Pound sign on rail tracks.

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

"Someday this is gonna be a sick bike path."

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

"There's a red light at the end of the tunnel."

"We utterly condemn the striking railway workers for punishing the people of Great Britain. . . that's our job. . .!"

'Let's build all possible variants and see which one turns out to be the cheapest to run!'

"It'll have to come down."

'If we beat Napoleon, do you think when they invent passenger trains they will name a station after this lot?'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"I understand, Mr. Osborne, take HS2 off and replace with 'Oriental Express'."

Fare Evader

"I don't care if it's the Local or the Express. We're getting on board."

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

'Intermodal' cargo train carrige hurtling through space

"Miss, I know two crustaceans. King's Crustacean and Charing Crustacean."

'I'm a little surprised you got planning permission.'

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

"Attention, please, Mr. Lyle Ferguson. As a result of equipment failure at the Cos Cob power station, your train will not be running at all tonight."

'Hi I'm on the train...still'