Railway Satirist Gifts

'Never mind the rail fare increase. I had to sell my Rolex to buy a meat and potato pie!'

Rail PLC - 'We're investing in bottlenecks.'

'And this is Madame Miggins, she's responsible for working out our pricing structure.'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

Targeted Advertising

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

Retirement became the obvious decision.

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

"We apologise for the late arrival of the 1945 train...."

Ridiculed for arriving in Washington in private jets, the Big Three auto CEOs found a more humble way to travel.

Airlines Charge For...Aisle seats, Exit seats, carry-on luggage...

The Privatization of the MTA.

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

"Because of track work, uptown trains are going downtown, and downtown trains are going uptown."

Replacement Bus Service Spotter

It appears his GPS isn't working properly.

Bus Lane - Fire Lane - Pizza Lane

In the event of emergency, break glass gently.

Mastermind - "You've chosen rail ticket conditions 1998-99."

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'You don't actually believe you are going to catch a train?!'

Public Transport: Hell

Eurostar: In Emergency No Deal Brexit Break Window

'Early traffic rudeness.'

"Yeah. I'm good to talk. I'm hands-free."

"I guess that's the non stopper then."

COVID Drive Safe Thank you for not carpooling.

"Okay, maybe I did run that red light a little. But in my defence, I was too drunk to notice."

"Ugh...I hate being the third rail."

We are being held momentarily to annoy Karen's girlfriend, who's been waiting at the restaurant for, like, twenty minutes.