Railway Satirist Pillows

'Never mind the rail fare increase. I had to sell my Rolex to buy a meat and potato pie!'

Rail PLC - 'We're investing in bottlenecks.'

'And this is Madame Miggins, she's responsible for working out our pricing structure.'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

Targeted Advertising

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

"We apologise for the late arrival of the 1945 train...."

"Because of track work, uptown trains are going downtown, and downtown trains are going uptown."

The Privatization of the MTA.

Airlines Charge For...Aisle seats, Exit seats, carry-on luggage...

Replacement Bus Service Spotter

It appears his GPS isn't working properly.

Bus Lane - Fire Lane - Pizza Lane

In the event of emergency, break glass gently.

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'Early traffic rudeness.'

'You don't actually believe you are going to catch a train?!'

Public Transport: Hell

Mastermind - "You've chosen rail ticket conditions 1998-99."

"Yeah. I'm good to talk. I'm hands-free."

"Okay, maybe I did run that red light a little. But in my defence, I was too drunk to notice."

"Ugh...I hate being the third rail."

COVID Drive Safe Thank you for not carpooling.

We are being held momentarily to annoy Karen's girlfriend, who's been waiting at the restaurant for, like, twenty minutes.

"We didn't drag you off the plane. That WAS your reward."

"I guess that's the non stopper then."

'The delayed train has much improved suspension air conditioning and a five star buffet, happy now?'

"No, on second thoughts, let's walk"