Railway Humorist Gifts

Replacement Bus Service Spotter

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

Ridiculed for arriving in Washington in private jets, the Big Three auto CEOs found a more humble way to travel.

"Please keep all your belongings with you at all times."

'If you ladies would like to help...we're having a whip-round for some diesel'.

In the event of emergency, break glass gently.

"We apologise for the late arrival of the 1945 train...."

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

"I see the 6.18 took another detour."

"Because of track work, uptown trains are going downtown, and downtown trains are going uptown."

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

'Flight simulator'

"It's my helper trout!"

The return of Miss Subways

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Airbus

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

"Excuse me, would you mind taking your portable zombie game to another carriage?"

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

Fare Evader

De-Caf Drivers Right Lane Only

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

'Hi I'm on the train...still'

Huge lady lady sitting down on a crowded bus

"In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion is also a whoopee cushion."

Replacement Bus Service

'I love the leg room.'

'This car drives so smooth it feels like we're flying.'

'We had to lop off part of the airline to cut costs.'