Quirky Giftees Pillows

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

Ball as water-melon.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

A watch face with Stonehenge

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

A Crash-test Dummy child about to have a ride on a car crash test ride in a shopping centre mall.

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Roadkill cookies"

A baby using a heavy duty drill

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

Celebrity Phrenologist.

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'