Quirky Gift Lovers Pillows

'There's not enough horses for all the new recruits so some of you will be using pogo sticks.'

Dentist with a corkscrew.

'Our gondolences on your loss.'

Piggy Bank

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

'Well, we always said as long as he's got ten fingers and ten toes . . .'

Tombstone: 'I went to heaven and all I got was this lousy tombstone.'

Tourette's Syndrome meeting with non-swear box.

A Crash-test Dummy child about to have a ride on a car crash test ride in a shopping centre mall.

'He said my future stinks.'

TV Dinner.

How to Meet Sluts.

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'If I don't like it, I rearrange your face.'

"And it's a hybrid. It can run on either high octane gasoline or the tears of your enemies!"

"We'd wanted to adopt for years, and then along came this absolutely adorable little roundabout."

"Well, if you find it more comfortable, just call it 'cat bath'."

"Big deal, Herb. So you have the power to fly, get over yourself!"

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

Christmas 2020

Memo - Latest social-distancing guidelines.

"I was attracted by the uniform."

Ollie the Uncreative Octopus

"Now that's impressive."

Face Mask

With attendance falling, aquariums are turning to alternate sources of revenue.

A woman opens her washing machine and the missing sock monster climbs out.

"I was bound and beaten for what seemed like hours, and it only cost me a hundred bucks."

'The good news is that it's your birthday - Happy birthday!'

'You've had your tongue, ears, nose and naval pierced. Now I think it's time you went to a therapist and had your psychological armor pierced.'

Man combing his hair with a cactus.

"Lady Liberty, I choose you...ooo...ooo...oooh!"

'No, this isn't a 'shotgun wedding' it's a 'magnum 44 wedding'!'

'They no longer award retirees with a gold watch, so I got the time-clock!'

Panhandler holds sign: Will dispose of excess cash.