Quirky Gift Givers Pillows

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

'Sure, I'll buy a watch. You take plastic?'

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Harry is nice, but his gifts are so impractical.'

'. . . we should never have asked mummy what she really wanted for mother's day.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

'Have you considered cremation as a cheaper alternative?'

'we're sorry son - Father Christmas failed his CRB check.'

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Why T-Rex Did Not Go Noodling

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Emergency Phone.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

Ball as water-melon.

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'We have three minutes left.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

How Amazon was invented

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Diner