Quirky Present Giver Pillows

"Sorry I'm late. Argos was a nightmare."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

'We have three minutes left.'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Diner

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

Fly fishing.

A Crash-test Dummy child about to have a ride on a car crash test ride in a shopping centre mall.

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Kissing the Fish