Quirky Gift Receiver Pillows

"When I said I wanted a pet, I meant a dog."

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

'Don't bother wrapping her. We'll just take a doggie bag.'

Vampire picking up his blood delivery (Type O, Type A, and Type B).

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

"If you change a couple numbers on you expiration date, you'll be old enough to buy us beer."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Lactose Intolerant

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

A watch face with Stonehenge

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'We have three minutes left.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Diner

Fly fishing.

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

High speed cinder block

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away