Quirky Giftee Pillows

'Hello? 911! Come quick! My husband is having a fart attack!'

Because bubble wrap made it hard to sneak up on their targets, ninjas eventually switched to their familiar black outfits.

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

Lactose Intolerant

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Ball as water-melon.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

A watch face with Stonehenge

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'We have three minutes left.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Diner

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

Fly fishing.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

High speed cinder block

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away