Quirky Caretakers Pillows

'The owners all think the cats love his bedside manner...'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Egg Buggy

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

How did you get a talking gerbil? Long, long, long story. My mom was a geneticist. My dad was a zoologist. They were in love once, but they loved their science more, and grew far, far apart. To save the marriage, they joined forces and created a talking gerbil, Herbert. A tiny creature to cherish and solidify their bond. Run for your life. I pooped myself. 'Twas a fool's errand.

"I'm training him to do chores."

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

"Mrs. Jennings, can Billy come out and smoke?"

Grandparents with their grandchild (colour).

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

"I can die at peace now knowing your toe nails are neatly clipped."

"My dad works in surveillance."

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

"Santa set up the hotline because he knows not everyone is jolly this time of the year!"

"He won't wear the sweater I crocheted for him."

'Weaning is a bit like a divorce, but mum always gets custody of me.'

"We have to buy her a good scratching post. She keeps going to a search engine and scratching a photo of one. We also have to buy another monitor."

"Officer, the washing machine ate my brother!"

'Oh, I see. So, you thought you'd come and pass your nasty germs on to me?!'

Brushing Under Man's Wig

Stay-at-homes have last laugh because of the travel chaos this Christmas.

Picture of missing sock on milk carton.

Stone Crop

Kindergarten. No, arts and crafts is not difficult. I meant "I have my work cut out for me" literally. I'm not allowed to use scissors.

'Expecting a quick and east operation, Doctor?'

'My chameleon has something wrong with it's leg.'