Quirky Dad Humor Pillows

Domestic scene, "You're dad enjoys a special relationship with the budgie"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Ostriches making out

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

"Underweird bras."

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

How witness protection really works...

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'Edible food! Eeeeedible food!'

"It's a dependent!"

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'I've got an amoeba here who wants to go to Officer's Candidate School.'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'