Quirky Carpenter Gifts

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

I did it my way.

The Origami Society...

Do it yourself books.

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'It's a coffee-book table.'

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

"It's not big and it's not clever, Perkins."

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

Superintendent

Absurd motorbike

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'McWit never could build anything level.'

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

"I usually work in snow."

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

"Are you willing to relocate?"

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"No, this is the elephant."

'Design brief.'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'Justin, what did I say about storing your anteater there?'

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

Sundayafternoon Carpenters

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'