Production Gifts

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'Let's face it - we have no quality and we have no control.'

'We deal mostly in rolling stock...'

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

"We must have had an order."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Stage producer.

After nearly thirty years, Mike and Paul's friendship is put to the test.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Cut!

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."